Random Chaos

Remember when I mentioned that 'getting heat exhaustion' is one of the Things I Generally Don't Recommend?

We can add "stomach flu," "gastroenteritis," and "dehydration" to that.

 

Right now I'm crunching on dry udon noodles.  It's the closest thing I have to having saltine crackers, one of the few things that is safe for me to eat right now.  (I'm also allowed plain potatoes, plain rice, plain low-fiber bread, and applesauce.)

 

Something else we can add to the Things I Generally Don't Recommend?  Immediately checking Facebook after getting back from the hospital.  The first thing in my feed: news that my ex has given his new girl, of all of two months, A FUCKING PROMISE RING.

 

I DATED HIS ASS FOR THREE HELLISH YEARS AND NEVER GOT SO MUCH AS THE SUGGESTION OF THAT.

 

Excuse me.  I need to load up his ghost and  beat the shit out of it.  After the hell this man put me through, I honestly don't want to see anything happen to him but his entire life unravel as he tries to put it back together.

So, the heat of summer has decided to arrive early. It also decided it would start things off by kicking my ass.

 

( Today, in Things I Don't Generally Recommend… )

(Once again, I'm awake at the back end of morning to yak.)

As I wait for the chicken I've just fried to cool off enough to place in a tupperware container, I look over the list of things that I want to do for my 100 Things blogging challenge.  So far, that list of notes is 60 items strong—40 of those things added to the list just yesterday, when I should have been getting ready for bed. The list of things, amazingly, seems to be workable in groups of ten. I hadn't even realized just how many things there are that I like.

(Not that that'd be obvious on a site like, say-oh, Facebook, where I find things I'm into and go on a clicking spree.)

So far, I've got things like

• Favorite Composer,
• Favorite Activities,
• Favorite Music Album, and even
• Favorute Intangible Events.

What? I'm a geek.

My bus shows up in about half an hour.  Loads of time in a tiny cramped laundry room. The place is so backed up today that the upcoming paycheck is actually going to be bigger of some of the ones I've gotten so far this year that have TWO week's worth of work on them. And I know what that money's going to do: go into the bank where I will NOT touch it except in the case of ordering spare parts for things and grow slowly so that I can purchase the phone I will be using in the Republic Wireless beta. For once, I have a plan.  …sort of. I'm not sure that "PAY BILLS AND SPEND LITTLE TO NOTHING" counts as an actual plan. It really seems like more of an angry shout.

---

…Once I actually begin this challenge, things are going to get a bit raw.  I'm going to cut myself open and hold my own soul over all of this, and why it's played a part in basically saving me. I'm probably not going to sound particularly classy, but this is not about class. It is about passion—the kind of thing that helps you keep going, even when things are deadset against you. Of course, this isn't to say that there won't be laughs to be had at this thing—my fannish geekiness about some things is worthy of a chuckle (OH EM GOODNESS THIS PURSE HAS A HIDDEN COMPARTMENT =D). And I'm willing to bet that you've never met someone who's actually squeed at a vanilla orchid.

Everything is fair game.  All of me will be on display during this challenge. From my list itself to what goes on in my head, you'll see a side of me that few do.

Sound good? OK. Great! …'cuz right about now, I REALLY need to be packing up for work. I'll work on my list as I make the transit for work.

And make it double?

 

Sorry.  The fact that this was a perfect chance to reference Team Rocket just happens to be a coincidence.

 

I'm getting ready to take on the 100 Things challenge, and as such, I've had to do one of those things that I normally balk at:

 

Making an outline.

 

Yeah, yeah, blah blah outlines won't kill me blah blah.  But I don't like doing it because it's, well, work.

 

*tires screech*

 

Yes, I know writing is work!  Now stop burning my tires up with your rampant braking!

 

*lead foot to gas pedal*

 

---

The idea: I'm about to start the 100 Things Challenge, in which I plan to blog about 100 of my favorite things.  The structure isn't—well, I don't have one to speak of yet.  So what I need to do is come up with a structure of some sort.  I know for certain that the Things won't be all THINGS, specifically—some are places, some are sensations, and some are situations.  Some of them will be little things, things that seem almost inconsequential in the grand scope of things.  But they're things that I like, and as we've mentioned before, things that I like are going to be a big thing this year, making sure that I make it through the shenanigans that have been going on.

 

The Process: I haven't really thought of the process yet.  I'm thinking, create a document in Excel or Word, list the Things that I want to do in a table, and then do them bit by bit, storing the information and drafts first in Scrivener, and then importing them here into my WebStory client for posting.

 

The Problem:  I'm…REALLY bad at that.

 

The challenge, therefore, will be more than just me faffing about going on and on about things that I like.  It'll be an exercise in how to do things the way they're supposed to be done, with a bit of structure.  In addition, because it's going to be all about things that I like, there'll be that little rush of feel-good chemicals that you get when you're sharing stuff about the things you like.

 

And the gods only know how much I need that rush of feel-good chemicals right now.

 

I'd best get to work on that outline/spreadsheet/thing.

 

 

 

 

 This is WebStory!

*starts pounding out entry fast so she doesn't miss her bus to work*

 

The year has been rough.

In the span of a few short months—not even a whole half of a year—I've managed to land a few difficulties in my life.  It began with that ugly breakup between me and my second ex, over the thing that's sent me to the hospital three times in three months.  Life as a PTSD survivor has not been a picnic.  To top it off, I now have to deal with little blanks in my memory off and on—those would be what I call the brainzaps.  I have oddly-timed panic attacks now.

I have developed a quaking fear of entering an elevator (or any small space) that contains more than two men.

I've developed an unreasoning terror of the palms of people's hands.

I've begun hearing things, seeing things, that aren't quite there.

I've lost the motivation to do many things that I find enjoyable most of the time.

The thought of physical intimacy, even in a written love scene, gives me cold chills.

So it's not unusual that I've also developed a wild pattern of mood swings that go from feeling AWESOME about EVERYTHING, to landing head first into deep, black depression.  It's been kind of a rough time of it, that's for certain.  Then again, I've been through a lot.

---

 

I really count myself lucky to be alive today.  For more than one reason.

The biggest one: there are things I like, and people I like.  If I stop to count them, I feel better about myself and life.

That is why I'm going to do the "100 Things" challenge.

 

I'm going to blog about 100 things I like.  Ideas, events, food (NO ONE here is surprised at food's inclusion on this list), activities, music—if I like it, anything's fair game.

I'm going to take time out of my day to do this, because for every thing that I like…there's a reason to live.

 

I'll begin when something I've wanted for a long time arrives in the mail.  ETA:  Two Weeks. </Money Pit Reference>

I hope you'll join me for this project.  One of the things I like is to talk, and it's more fun when there's someone out there listening.

 

Now if you'll excuse me—I'm…kinda sorta supposed to be at work.  XD

8:09.  Coffee count stands at 7 now. In about two minutes I'm going to have a THIRD espresso with double cream, bringing it to eight.  I think I might have a minor caffeine problem!

You know what?  I'm probably NOT gonna be online today.  Not on MSN, AOL, YIM, none of those alphabet soups.

 

Why? BECAUSE FUCK THAT Because fuck neglecting my health.  I just woke up with a severe vertigo attack and a nosebleed, it's 92° out WITHOUT considering the heat index, and after finding out about an upcoming full shift of laundry tomorrow (in which I spend several hours in a small room that gets FAR hotter than 92°), I probably need all the rest I can get before tomorrow.

 

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to pack my nose with tissue, boil water for saline, and get a full day's worth of food ready for tomorrow's shift.

 

*adjusts tissue-pack*

 

I'm gonna need stronger saline.

I write this in bed.
Seven hour shift. Third one this week.

 

I've taken most of my meds.

 

Plus two aspirin laced with hella caffeine.

 

I must nap.  My everything is sore.

Three days of 7+ hour shifts.  I'm tired.  My shoulder's sore, I'm not sure what I did to my wrist, and I'm so tired I can barely see straight.  I'm going to have to take it easy until my next day off—I got no idea when it is, either.

 

Imported soda and warm duvet, take me away!

Long day. Got migraine.  Offline today.

 

I wanted to Skype today but every noise hurts my brain.  So I'm gonna take an Imitrex and tie a pillow to my head.